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death in the icu

 There are a lot of things on my mind lately. I kind of have whiplash from the last 3 years that I am still coming out of. In January of 2023, my stepdad died suddenly one morning and a week later I started the nursing program. I was in the throws of an intensive program for 2 years straight while life kept moving along in the background. I made as much time for friends as I could, but during school I worked full time and was helping to raise my teenage nephew, so I was rarely, if ever, available for socialization. Once I graduated, I accepted a job in the ICU, which has only felt like more school. Similar to those first semesters of nursing school, working in the ICU as a new grad has felt like "drinking from a fire hose" with all the information and learning you do in such a small amount of time. Don't get me wrong, I have loved it. It's been so incredibly fulfilling and enjoyable to learn like this and from some of the smartest people I've ever met, but it'...
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I was lost, now I'm found (Part 1)

Tonight, I opened Blogger again, thinking I'd revise and revisit the blog I used to keep when I was a newlywed chronicling my journeys and updates with Ed. The internet was different then. I was still so engaged with people online. People from my hometown, my mission, and San Diego. The best way to feel connected to them was to have a very active online presence and be very open about my life. Then, slowly, as the years went by, I found it less and less appealing. I didn't want to constantly be seeking the approval of those distant eyes. I didn't need to connect online as much because I formed more in-person relationships. Marco Polo changed the game for my long-distance friendships that were worth the time and effort to update, so the online posts became less and less frequent. All this to say, that I still find myself leaning on the long form of writing in a journal style to explain myself and express my thoughts and feelings. So, here I am again, on a blog I don't ev...
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11.2.2020

 OK, like so many times before, I started a post and then never finished it, but unlike those other times, I did publish it. I guess I'm learning to live with my half baked self. This weekend was Halloween and we didn't do anything because now my Sister in law has Covid and she lives with us. We did have some trick-or-treaters, which was surprising because in years past, we have struggled to even get just a couple! It was so fun to see the kiddos still out having fun. Some of them found clever ways to incorporate their masks into their costumes. One of my favorites was a little girl with a beard and flannel and ball cap on. I asked if she was a lumberjack. She laughed and said, "No, I'm my dad!" and then her dad walked up so I could see that they matched. She was spot on. So cute. -- Lately my heart has been evolving regarding my grief and other things that have been hard this year. I've been seeing a therapist for some time and I finally felt last week like I...
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10.17.2020

Well hello there.  My name is Jenny and this is a blog I'm starting to hopefully help me sort throuhg life and thoughts and such.   I used to blog a lot, even when I didn't always publish it. At the height of the blogging craze, my best friends and I would connect via secret blogs. It was amazing, but since the demise of Xanga and the creation of Marco Polo, we’ve switched gears. Anyway.  I’m hoping that this space can be a place for me to talk to you (whoever you may be) and perhaps get some things off my chest. I know that’s selfish, but this is my blog...so... I also hope it’s helpful. I always want to be helpful. I’ve learned through many personality quizzes and such that being a meaningful part of people’s lives is super important to me. So if you feel inclined to comment, give feedback, share insights, or just let me know you’re here...it would help my sense of self. Haha. — Today, after the longest quarantine of my life, I left the house! My family and I went ...
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