11.2.2020

 OK, like so many times before, I started a post and then never finished it, but unlike those other times, I did publish it. I guess I'm learning to live with my half baked self.

This weekend was Halloween and we didn't do anything because now my Sister in law has Covid and she lives with us. We did have some trick-or-treaters, which was surprising because in years past, we have struggled to even get just a couple! It was so fun to see the kiddos still out having fun. Some of them found clever ways to incorporate their masks into their costumes. One of my favorites was a little girl with a beard and flannel and ball cap on. I asked if she was a lumberjack. She laughed and said, "No, I'm my dad!" and then her dad walked up so I could see that they matched. She was spot on. So cute.

--

Lately my heart has been evolving regarding my grief and other things that have been hard this year. I've been seeing a therapist for some time and I finally felt last week like I had hit a turning point. Grief is a total beast and I hate that it's part of this life to have to lose so much and so often. One of the lies I tell myself when I grieve is that if I heal or if I'm happy again that I'm somehow betraying the loss or memory of my loved one. I know logically it isn't true, but that doesn't stop the feelings.

With all that being said, it does feel like the dawn is rising on a new chapter. I was reflecting on a lot of things recently and I came to the realization or thought that I have developed a lot of who I am in just the last 5 years. Through heartache and changes I have molded new ideas and enhanced old ones. I feel like I learned a new level of confidence in many areas of life. It's nice to sometimes stop and consider these things. 

My therapist challenged me to talk to myself in the past and see how far I've come. It's proved a beneficial exercise all around. Mainly, I realize, because there is growth and positive things happening. I don't think this would feel as good if I felt aimless or unmotivated. 

--

The things I have going on right now are, mainly, school, then my podcast, then I'd say my wonderful job and my husband's new job. Also, my BIL and SIL living with us means we've done a lot more this year. Outdoor adventures, yard work, etc. They bring out the best in us and I've appreciated it so much.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I was lost, now I'm found (Part 1)

Tonight, I opened Blogger again, thinking I'd revise and revisit the blog I used to keep when I was a newlywed chronicling my journeys and updates with Ed. The internet was different then. I was still so engaged with people online. People from my hometown, my mission, and San Diego. The best way to feel connected to them was to have a very active online presence and be very open about my life. Then, slowly, as the years went by, I found it less and less appealing. I didn't want to constantly be seeking the approval of those distant eyes. I didn't need to connect online as much because I formed more in-person relationships. Marco Polo changed the game for my long-distance friendships that were worth the time and effort to update, so the online posts became less and less frequent. All this to say, that I still find myself leaning on the long form of writing in a journal style to explain myself and express my thoughts and feelings. So, here I am again, on a blog I don't ev...
Read more

10.17.2020

Well hello there.  My name is Jenny and this is a blog I'm starting to hopefully help me sort throuhg life and thoughts and such.   I used to blog a lot, even when I didn't always publish it. At the height of the blogging craze, my best friends and I would connect via secret blogs. It was amazing, but since the demise of Xanga and the creation of Marco Polo, we’ve switched gears. Anyway.  I’m hoping that this space can be a place for me to talk to you (whoever you may be) and perhaps get some things off my chest. I know that’s selfish, but this is my blog...so... I also hope it’s helpful. I always want to be helpful. I’ve learned through many personality quizzes and such that being a meaningful part of people’s lives is super important to me. So if you feel inclined to comment, give feedback, share insights, or just let me know you’re here...it would help my sense of self. Haha. — Today, after the longest quarantine of my life, I left the house! My family and I went ...
Read more